Tuesday, June 22, 2010

what to do

Its a dog eat dog world and Im caught in the riptide; railroad tie, run and hide. I'd call you but its probably not a good idea; we'd hate each other in minutes; abuse substances, go home empty. I've been there too many times.

So as the sun shines midday, the only light i see besides sometimes dawn when I stay up for it, I wonder the path I choose to wander, and mingle with my sadness. Tomorrows a new day, but we both know it will stay the same.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


So, it's done. I've officially signed up for the Peace Corps. Spoke to a recruiter. There will be more paper work to do, and then... That's it. 27 months I will be out of the country. I'm finally getting out of here! Wish me luck, lovelies...

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Been a Minute

its been a while since I've posted. I thought I might give up on this thing. I never did take the time to learn how to use it. But I'll keep keeping on. I started my first novel the other day. Its not the first time I've started a novel... But I feel way differently about this one. Its entitled 'Not For All The Willow Trees In The World'. The main character's name is Jade. And she is a badass..! I'm rlly excited about it. Can't work on music right now, but I'm kinda glad. Because I'm working on another life goal.. Dominican Republic in..... less than a month..!


Four Pillows On My Bed

I got 4 pillows on my bed. 4 pillows, and only 1 head.

When it comes to sleeping, I use 2. I use 2, the rest could be for you.

I got 4 pillows on my bed. 4 pillows, and lonely instead.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


Does the mark imply the question, or the question imply the mark...??


Passing lane, passing out.

Passing frame, laughing bout.

Languid menace, dispatched dentist,
Its gonna be a long night.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Saturday, January 9, 2010


Dream big, dream small.. Dare to dream at all.
I exist in my dreams, go everywhere I want to. Don't feel small; feel small.

I see the road, I read the willows, the light bounces, reflection..
I am at peace, I am peace.

And all the while, I wonder when I will get there. When i will feel there.
When I will begin there.

Foreign friend, you know so much more than them, you don't know me at all.
Maybe someday, when i finally get there. Maybe when I'm half way across the world I'll be right here.. Maybe I'll be away. No way to know.

Only one way to know.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Decadence is a Picket Fence

Decadence is a picket fence.

Decadence is a picket fence! I screamed, and for all it really was that intense, for it IS actually if you think about it. I mean really think about, fall out, fall in, fall in-between in some sort of outward show of appearances, disappearances, wayward lyricist…

It’s all a fabrication. Of unification.

For the two could never co-exist, only hope to happenstance. Awkward glace, much fear, no elegance. To the fall. Spring to the fall.

And God how I miss the sun! And God how I miss myself. So, so happy together. Fatal happiness. I swear to you, I’ll make it right.

Life of Pencil

The Pencil was going over.

Overboard, falling onto it’s multi-faceted sides, plodding along in its’ awkward role, casually extending to tumble over the edge.

Kai woke up.

“It’s been over an hour”, he thought to himself. Reaching out his right arm, Kai snagged the wayward pencil in mid-descend. “What am I going to do?”

It had been three years since Kai had left his hometown in rural Pennsylvania on his somewhat now tired dream of ultimate fulfillment. He sat now in a worn out seat in a hospital waiting area. Back after three years away. Back to Pennsylvania.

When his Aunt Mabel had called him a week earlier Kai had hardly been able to make out the words between the sobs, but he didn’t need to hear them. He already knew. It was time. Mom.

Kai’s mother had been sick for a long time. The cancer had started in her liver, and had been moving slowly up through her body over the course of the latter part of the year. “She’ll get better.” He had thought, but from the beginning the prognosis was grim. Kai had been planning a move back home, but now there wasn’t enough time. His denial had kept him away, living in a safe little retreat of ignorance and false logic. And now…

He just couldn’t face the truth. MOM.

Kai’s head snapped up as the doors to his mothers’ room opened. The doctor walked out. He walked toward Kai in a slow, mechanical manner. His head was bowed. When he got to where Kai was seated he couldn’t look him in the eye.

“I’m afraid I have some bad news,” said Dr.. What was that? Brown? Kai wasn’t listening to the doctor, he was trying to read his name tag, but the edge was obscured by the doctor’s scrubs, he just couldn’t see the very edge, he was sure he could read it if the doctor would only just move an inch to the left, just a small baby step. Hell, even just change the way he was standing; sway a little to the side..

The doctor did move. He grabbed Kai’s shoulder.
“I know it’s difficult, but you need to listen”. Dr. Brownstone said. The problem was, Kai already had. It had been hard over the falling sensation in his body, but he had heard. Kai’s world was falling apart.
Shaking, Kai snapped the pencil in half, stood up, turned, and walked away.

Letter to an Ex

I am not insane. For years I thought I was, and that is nothing to do with you. But now I know.. I am a lot of things. I am in flux. I am damage. I am self sacrifice. I am dramatic.. But I am not however, entirely insane.

Life of Counselor

"Ask 'What do you feel like?'" She said, head tilting in that thoughtful way, side stepping across the questions, embracing the agonizing comments, interruptions, misinterpretations....

Ask Not What you know. Not that it matters.

Hall of help; long winded therapist, analyzing glance out of the office; sideways is special, it often works.

Like all eyes are on you, and you are entrusted to make everyone else feel that way too...

It’s not a question of ignorance, not a mistake of misfortune, or ill intent. Its a way to exist as a blanket, or bridge, getting muddy from the footsteps we brush them off, smile rapturously with that funny little leprechaun mischief.. Embrace for the break; tense against the strain.

Sticks and stones; but the words are the real problem, cutting in at just the right angle, making you second guess, but grow stronger.......?

I have not yet broken. But I honestly wonder when.

Score To Settle

If one could see; They could be
Up so High in the sky..

But like all, they too will fall,
Entangled webs, who realized?

Falling from grace, that look on your face,
It's tempered; together..

Falling from grace, that look on your face,
It's tempered; together, sharp as a knife.

So what of our lives?
So what of our lives?
We're missing the point-

Two week turmoil; two week turnover
Two week turmoil; two week turnover
And over and over and over.